the world is teasing me

On raditya dika's blog, i read a sentence that caught my attention.

"kata orang, kalo mau ngeblog, tulislah perasaan yang paling kuat yang lagi kamu rasakan"

I've been desperate for the past few days, looking for an inspiration for a new posting. Now I've finally got it. I'm gonna write about the strongest feeling I'm feeling now. Easy right??

Nope. I gotta be really careful with the words I use. Coz I'm warning you, the things i write here ain't all pretty. Haaaah, who gives a damn anyway?? Here goes.

Well, I haven't been a very happy soul lately. There's something bothering my mind, frequently annoying me. And I hate the fact that I can't run away from it. I HAVE to face it. Every time I try to run away, it's as if this "thing" is absolutely determined to make me feel annoyed and it follows me wherever I go. I don't know why I'm bothered by this, coz usually I don't give a damn about it. I've never been so annoyed by it before.

You must already be curious what the "thing" is. Well, to tell you the truth, I don't really know either. It can't be described in one word. All I know is, I GET REALLY ANNOYED SEEING SO MUCH LOVE ALL AROUND ME.

I feel like the whole world is teasing me. It's like being on a small island while everyone else is in the sea of love surrounding me. I know it sounds disgusting, but I'm not exaggerating. I'm surrounded by couples everywhere!!! My class is full of them, and I'm pretty sure there are still more to come. I'm starting to think God's actual purpose of creating XII IPA 7 was to make it some kind of dating service instead of a class. We've already got 6 couples in class!! Including my best friend.

Yeah, I think that's what bothers me the most. My best friend is one of the six couples in my class. It's not that I'm not happy that she's found someone special for her, no. I'm glad that she's happy, as long as she feels happy with him. But what really gets on my nerves is this: ever since she started going out, all of our conversations now have the same topic. HER BOYFRIEND!! Well, I don't really know if you can call it a conversation, cause she's the one doing most of the talking. All I do is shut up and force myself to listen. Probably give a few short responses. It isn't easy, I'll tell you that. She's my best friend, there's no way I'd hurt her feelings. It just makes it all the more hard to get through.

What have I done to deserve this?? It's torture!! If the world's purpose of putting me in this position is to tease me and annoy the guts out of me, I'll tell you one thing: dear world, you did it. Bulls eye!! You really hit the spot. I really don't know why all of a sudden I'm like this. I used to be pretty cool about it. Didn't give a damn. I couldn't care less what those couples do in front of me. But now?? I feel like running away every time I see a couple coming my way. Sadly, I can't do that. I can't just run out of class whenever I want to when the teacher's teaching, can I??. I can't just leave my best friend without a good reason, can I?? I guess I'll just have to get my eyes adjusted to seeing six couples all dating at the same time.

Me, JEALOUS?? Maybe. Probably. Most likely. Yeah, that's probably it. But there's nothing I can do about it anyway. So, go ahead, world. Tease me all you like. You can't torture me any more than this.